Today I shall be witty, charming and elegant...

Or maybe I'll say "Um" a lot and trip over things.

Thinking and stuff...
The last couple days have been good. I've haven't been doing a lot, but I've been doing stuff. My parents left for Cannon Beach, OR on Friday morning and I hung out with my boyfriend all day friday and saturday. We drove around and went to the lamest JeffCo Expo I've ever been too. We stayed for like a half hour and then went to his house and watched movies all afternoon. Today I worked, my boyfriend worked, my parents arrived home and I've been thinking about lots of things.
One of the main things I've been thinking about is joining the Navy. Yes, I know, military, but I honestly think it would be good for me. A lot of people I know are joining or trying to join, so I've been hearing a lot of things, good and bad, about it. My boyfriend and my best guy friend are joining, so I decided to look in it for myself. Besides they pay for college and almost anything else your heart desires education wise. Benefits, free housing, retirement, education, travel, constant income, recession proof job, what more could you want? If I did it I'd go full time Reserve but still. It's just a thought. Keeping my options with an open mind. Don't worry, I'm just thinking.

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to myself
Happy 20th birthday to AMY!
Happy birthday to me.


I'm going to go see Adventureland with my family today. So happy!

Busy as a bee...
It feels like forever since I've been online.
 I've been so busy with work and going to school and trying to go to school. Ugh.
I went to Cannon  Beach, OR by myself for 4 days last week. But that was relaxing and much needed R & R.
Now my birthday is in 2 days! Happy 20th for me!
Anyway off to work. Later

Golly Gee Willikers
*takes deep breath*
This week has been a  whirlwind. Where did all of my time go?
I started off the week by getting hired at Safeway. Then on Tuesday I got assigned a 20 pages script that I had to write by Thrusday. On Wednesday I started my training at the Safeway in Sequim, came home and wrote my script. Thursday I went to school, and my professer gave us a time-extension on our scripts because everyone was having a hard time finishing them. On Friday I went back to training. Saturday more training and a letter from UCFW which is the Safeway Union, telling me I had to pay them 135 dollars in 30 days. So I've been trying to figure that out and finish my script by Tuesday. *sigh* I'm tired.
Today I'm going to plop on the couch and watch the Superbowl. GO CARDINALS!

In your life there are places that you will go that will remind you of where you've been. Whether it be the look of the place or perhaps a person that you think looks like someone you used to know. You might  catch a whiff of some lady's perfume or some guys cologne and it will remind you of something you did. Some past that you had forgotten until recently. Revisiting those kinds of memories can be jarring at times. Sometimes scents and images remind you of things you don't want to be reminded of. Sometimes it is just to painful to remember. Sometimes just randomly and without a trigger a memory can come back to you. You may look into your own eyes through a mirror and  see something you didn't wish to see. Then from that moment every time you look into the mirror you see that which brings you pain. You would like nothing more than to get away from it and to never be reminded of it again. So like the coward you are, you leave.
It is strange how you can leave a place and stay away for a while and when you come back you expect everything to change and be somehow different, but then you actually do come back and you realize that everything is exactly the same as you left it. The houses  are all the same,  the stores haven't changed locations or even owners, even the people you left behind haven't changed; everything is exactly the way you left it. It takes time but you begin to see that you are what has changed. You are different, you left and came back a different person. This different person doesn't want to know some of the things you left here in this small town. The only reason you came back was because it was your duty to come back.

Head vs Heart
I'm not quite sure what I'd say to you if I saw you again. I know what I want to say, but I'm not certain that I could be that angry; be that childish. Perhaps we'd walk by each other on the street and not even acknowledge each other, just like we were complete strangers. I don't know if that would hurt me at all, or if I would just walk by and not even give turning around a thought. It is so strange how fast things can change. One week can turn lovers into strangers. It can make you second guess if what you had was really anything at all. Did we really love each other as much as we said we did? Are we really so unconnected that we don't even say hello after all we went through together?
I waited for him. I waited and I waited, I put myself through hell and for what? So that I could be cast aside like trash? Then what was the point of having me wait, of saying I love you, of calling me your future wife... what was it all worth if in the end all you were going to do was never call me? I don't understand it. Perhaps I never will or perhaps I'm just overreacting. Maybe you are just busy putting your life back together. But seeing as how there are 24 hours in a day, that's 168 hours in a week, in all that time he couldn't once pick up a phone and call me, just to say hello, I love you, I'm doing fine? Is that too much to ask for? God, I talked to him more when he was incapacitated.
Is this how it is to be then? Use me and lose me? I thought you were different, you said you were different and I foolishly believed you. I wasted 6 months loving someone I didn't even know. All that time I was alone, because you were gone. I read you letters over and over and I just can't see it. All evidence proves contrary, proves that you are a good guy, that you love me. But your actions in the last week tell me otherwise, tell me you're a jerk and that I shouldn't waste my time waiting for you anymore. Tell me to trust my head, not my heart...

Just ugh...
It's snowing again. 4 inches already and still snowing.
I'm now sure how I feel about it. It's numbing.
I'm bored and don't want to go outside. I only want one thing and I can't have it.

What is it about knowing you can't have something...

                                    I makes you desperate.

I am desperate.
100 miles away... and I can't see
To far.
To long.

I've waited so long.
I miss it.
I need it.
I hate this feeling.


Winter Quarter
So my winter quarter is going awesome! I only have to go to PA twice a week.
I'm taking one online course in Astronomy. Im taking Intro to Scriptwriting and I'm going to be on the newspaper, the Buccaneer.  So yea. My quarter is going to be aweosme!!!  15 credits and only two days aweek. I'm excited.

Nothing much to report
School is getting on my nerves. Okay, so it's not really school that's getting on my nerves as much as the bus is. There are to many crazy people, it takes way to long, and I hate not getting home until 5:00 at night. I'm tired all the time, because I have to get up so freaking early, and I never get to bed before 10, because of my homework. Yes, it costs me less in gas money. But it is costing me time and sleep. I'm sick of it. Thank god, the quarter is almost over. I don't think I could last another quarter. I'm trying to figure my classes out... *sigh* it's hard work.
Anyway, yea. So nothing has happened to me lately other than being caught on the bus with a crazy guy who thought he was Jesus and Satan in the same body. He started arguing with himself, and saying how he needed to kill non-believers and kill  Obama and all this other shit. It was kind of scary. Finally after about an hour of this, he got kicked off the bus, but it was still really scary. Plus it was the last bus home, so I couldn't exactly wait. I had to deal with it. I'm thinking perhaps I need to invest in some pepper spray or something along those lines.
Well, that's about all folks, my life revolves around school and buses. Sad but true. Later.

The most popular soap opera of 2008 is the presidental election.And it is almost over. We are a nation addicted to this game of politics. It's a little disgusting! Anyway, Wendy told me a joke earilier so I'll post it.

I'm in the emergency room. Don't worry, I'm fine. I met a black man that voted for McCain so the doctor is trying to remove my foot from his ass!

And just so y'all know - - - - - Do not attend school or work November 5 is McCain is elected. Pass it on if you support Obama.

Go OBAMA!!!!

Dear god I hope he wins. If not I'm moving to Canada!


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