I think I am still in shock--
In as little as 7 months I will be Mrs. Amy Napier, I cannot even comprehend what that means. I guess it is just beginning to dawn on me - I am getting married. I am going to be someone's wife... I never in a million years thought I would say that aloud. I am 20 years old, I am engaged, I am getting married. It is a big step, I know, but it feels right.
He is my one. Picking the man you want to be with forever has little to do with how two people think or act or talk or even look. The mysterious magnet is either there, buried somewhere deep behind the sternum, or it is not. Trust me when I say the magnet between us is very strong. My friend Annie says it all comes down to one simple question: "Do you want your belly pressed up against this person's belly forever--or not? lol I do.
I feel like I've spent my life moving towards this moment. Sometimes trying to hard to force the moment to come. And I've learned that life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time - when pursued like a bandit - will behave like one, always remaining one county or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you're banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you. At some point you have to stop because it won't. You have to admit that you can't catch it. That you're not supposed to catch it yet. That it isn't your time yet. At some point, you have to let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you. I did. I waited patiently, I didn't push it or force it and it found me. It happened naturally. And that is how i know it is right. I was always coming here. I am reminded of one of my favorite Sufi poems, which says that God long ago drew a circle in the same exactly around the stop where you are standing right now. I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen. I was always meant to be Mrs. Jacob Napier.
Jacob is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. He is my life - he is amazing, sweet, and kind. I don't know why it took me so long to find him. But now that I have I feel so lucky to have found him. He's the one I've been dreaming about all my life. He may not be perfect, but he is perfect for me. I am deliriously and completely happy and so so very excited!
Today I shall be witty, charming and elegant...
Or maybe I'll say "Um" a lot and trip over things.
- Now introducing the future Mrs. Napier!