Today I shall be witty, charming and elegant...

Or maybe I'll say "Um" a lot and trip over things.

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Maybe love is nonsense...
Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that two people can live together for years and still be happy. Relationships are about sacrifices and compromises, we all have heard and know that, but what happens when the sacrifices get to be too many or the compromises get too compromising. Reasons, whether logical or not and no matter how truthful, build like a tornado, but over a longer period of time. Building strength and power until one day it can’t be kept quiet any longer. The tornado touches down and all hell breaks loose. It knocks over chairs and breaks a television set, screams back and forth, until finally, it’s quiet. Eerily quiet after such a large catastrophe. The lack of sound is so frightening I almost prefer the screaming and crashes of furniture. Soon there is the sound of footsteps, the garage opening, the car starting-some survivor driving away.
It’s been a while and everyone is pretending like nothing happened. Pretending like the storm didn’t just end. We’ve  all been waiting.
No one will admit it but we know he might not come home tonight. I feel tempted to call his cell, but that might do more harm than good. Besides, I don’t even know what I’d say to the man. God, I don’t even know if he took his phone; it all happened so fast. All I can do is wait, but the waiting is the hardest part... The silence is has a high pitched deafening ring to it as it echoes throughout the house, these four walls of my bedroom close in--making it hard to breathe.
    The sound of the front door opening is music to my ears.
Perhaps even the single most graceful and lovely sound I’ve ever heard.  It cuts through the silence, slices right through it. I release the breath of relief I have been holding the whole time. I can hear them talking, but I can’t make out what is being said. Part of me wants to know exactly what their saying, while the other part of me thanks God for my ignorance. I mean exactly how much stress and heartache can one girl take?
    Maybe love really is just nonsense. Maybe it’s not meant to last forever. Maybe when one sacrifice becomes to much, it’s over. Happiness is what each person seeks, we all strive to be happy. We strive to be happy with another person and we call that happiness, love, but what if you can’t be. What if after a certain amount of years, the love dies, it’s just over. Everything ends, maybe love does to...
Love is a norm; a compelling mantra which has been instilled into society and I don’t have faith in it. The pull of this single four-letter word is enormous, but the funny thing is I don’t think I’ve met a single person who truly understands the concept. I mean, who can unravel the complexities of relationships, and cover it with this single well-meaning yet isolated word? I certainly do not claim to. I know better now.

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Thanks, sweetie. I know you're just trying to help.
I have actually talked to a therapist about this sort of thing, and all it did was make it worse.
The fact is that break ups are hard, and no matter what it seems like on here by my posts, I'm actually very happy. Most of these feelings come directly after one a break up, and they wear off just as quickly.
The truth is a lot of shitty things have happened to me recently, in the last week or so, and I'm feeling a bit lost. I'm not quite certain what I believe anymore. I'm just going through a rough patch, so don't worry. I'll be fine.
Thanks for caring though.


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