Today I shall be witty, charming and elegant...

Or maybe I'll say "Um" a lot and trip over things.

(no subject)
    The day after Jacob and I met, I called my best friend Wendy to talk about him. I was already crazy about him, but I needed a second

opinion. It's a good idea to get one when you've been diagnosed with a serious illness, and the early pangs of love are not much different. I hardly

remember what I said to her about him. I only remember that I talked for two hours straight about what a lovely man he was. After that, even being

four thousand miles away in Oklahoma, and without even meeting him face to face, Jacob passed her inspection. You know the expression, "to spread

like wildfire?" Well, at one point during our conversation, Wendy told me a bit of news she'd heard at school, about how, she said, "it spread like

wildflowers!" Then she paused, sensing that something was amiss, and we both dessolved into howls. Spread like wildflowers. Isn't that great? It's so

much better than wildfire, and yet still fitting.
    Sometimes when I tell people about Jacob, I think about that conversation. I like to tell them that he spread like wildflowers thought my

life. Because he did. He does.   
    Jacob came into my life with relatively few flaws, as these things go. His hygiene is pretty good, give or take some minor stubble. He

doesn't snore, except when he has a cold. He'll even watch romantic movies with me, which, for an American male, is really saying something. He

does have one major flaw. He works nights and he sleeps all day. But even this didn't stop me from diving in again. When Jacob and I first met, we

used to joke, wincing all the while, that we had as opposite of schedules as two people could. Me an early riser and him a night crawler. Though pretty

soon we fell into sort of a nice routine. He would come home to me in the morning while I was just waking up and we would cuddle until he fell

asleep. I would start my day and around two or three in the afternoon he would wake and we would spend the rest of the day together until he went to

work. It was painful, to say the least, and certainly taxing, but in a small, secret way, I liked it.
    For as nice as it is to wake up next to someone and to spoon while you fall asleep, there is something to be said , too, for being apart. For

one thing, it left plenty of time for missing him, which, when done right, could be delicious in its way. It gave me time to decide, with a soundtrack

of Norah Jones in the background and a cookbook in my lap, what I was going to make him for dinner. Those moments were mine and he would

have never be silent enough for me to just relax with my favorite cookbook. So while he slept I planned and I cooked, when he woke to the smell he

would come out of the bedroom, bed-head in tact and following his nose, we would sit and eat. It was our life, our routine, and I was in love with it.

One such night, I climbed into his lap in the middle of dinner and told him, with a prickle of fear, that I was falling in love with him. He agreed he

felt the same and a month later we were engaged.

Soon To Be Mrs.
The wedding is coming along very well. We finally got his parents together in one room so that we could tell them the good news. Everyone is very happy for us and excited. We picked a venue for the wedding and almost done with hiring the catering. So there's still a lot left to do, but the main part is done. We've also found wedding rings that we both like... now we just have to try and buy them. lol
I am so excited! I'm happy all the time and I don't think I could ever come down from this high. I'm so glad that everyone is being supportive and happy for us. That makes everything go even more smoothly. So yea that's all I really wantd to say... but I am extremely happy.
Oh and I've decided to change my last name. If only because Mrs. Amy Bryant-Napier doesn't sound very good. lol

Now introducing the future Mrs. Napier!
I think I am still in shock--

In as little as 7 months I will be Mrs. Amy Napier, I cannot even comprehend what that means. I guess it is just beginning to dawn on me - I am getting married.  I am going to be someone's wife... I never in a million years thought I would say that aloud.  I am 20 years old, I am engaged, I am getting married. It is a big step, I know, but it feels right.
He is my one. Picking the man you want to be with forever has little to do with how two people think or act or talk or even look. The mysterious magnet is either there, buried somewhere deep behind the sternum, or it is not. Trust me when I say the magnet between us is very strong. My friend Annie says it all comes down to one simple question: "Do you want your belly pressed up against this person's belly forever--or not? lol I do.
I feel like I've spent my life moving towards this moment. Sometimes trying to hard to force the moment to come. And I've learned that life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time - when pursued like a bandit - will behave like one, always remaining one county or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you're banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you. At some point you have to stop because it won't. You have to admit that you can't catch it. That you're not supposed to catch it yet. That it isn't your time yet. At some point, you have to let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you. I did. I waited patiently, I didn't push it or force it and it found me. It happened naturally. And that is how i know it is right. I was always coming here. I am reminded of one of my favorite Sufi poems, which says that God long ago drew a circle in the same exactly around the stop where you are standing right now. I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen. I was always meant to be Mrs. Jacob Napier.
Jacob is the single best thing that has ever happened to me.  He is my life - he is amazing, sweet, and kind. I don't know why it took me so long to find him. But now that I have I feel so lucky to have found him. He's the one I've been dreaming about all my life. He may not be perfect, but he is perfect for me. I am deliriously and completely happy and so so very excited!

What's New? I'll tell you...
The time has come for me to move on. And by move on I mean move out of my parents house. I am moving today. I will be living in Bremerton, WA and starting school at Olympic College. My apartment is awesome, a little small, but perfect for one person. It's a little expensive, but i get a view of the water out my living room and kitchen windows. Next thing on my list is to find a part time job that will hopefully pay for my new life. I am excited and nervous about this transition. I've never really lived on my own before. Especially not 50 miles away from my family and friends here in PT. But I will survive, I probably won't be online much until I decide whether I need internet in my apartment, so don't worry if I just drop off the face of the internet world for a while.
School will be fantastic, I hope. I'm going into Medical Receptionist training. I get to learn everything you'd ever want to know about Medical Terminaology and computers. I have at least two classes everyday. A total of 4 classes a week. It will be fun and I will be very busy. I am also thinking of after this year is done and I have my certificate of taking an extra couple quarters and add Phlebotomy to my list of jobs I could get. For those who don't know, Phlebotomy is the art of taking blood samples and doing awesome stuff with them in the lab. I always said I was a vampire... whose laughing now? 
Anyway, my life is looking up. I'm so happy I can barely breathe. I'm so exicted no one can get a word in edgewise. I love you all and hopefully *fingers crossed* I'll get intenet soon.

btw, if anyone wants my new address; email me.

This is kinda fun
sing only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)".

Pick your Artist:

Are you a male or female?
Stronger Woman

Describe yourself:
Long Slow Slide

How do you feel:
Perfectly Clear

Describe where you currently live:

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
2 Fine U

Your favorite form of transportation:
Drive To You

Your best friend is:
1000 Miles Away

You and your best friends are:
Dancing Barefoot

What's the weather like:
Stormy Monday

Favorite time of day:
Tonight's The Night

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Until The Fall

What is life to you:
Puzzle Of Stars

Your last relationship:
Foolish Games

Your Fear:

What is the best advice you have to give:
The First Cut Is The Deepest

Thought for the Day:
Does Anybody Believe In Love?

How I would like to die:
Comfortably Numb

My soul's present condition:
Doin' Fine

Most Faithful Companion:
Star Child

My motto:
Smart In a Stupid Way

Maybe love is nonsense...
Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that two people can live together for years and still be happy. Relationships are about sacrifices and compromises, we all have heard and know that, but what happens when the sacrifices get to be too many or the compromises get too compromising. Reasons, whether logical or not and no matter how truthful, build like a tornado, but over a longer period of time. Building strength and power until one day it can’t be kept quiet any longer. The tornado touches down and all hell breaks loose. It knocks over chairs and breaks a television set, screams back and forth, until finally, it’s quiet. Eerily quiet after such a large catastrophe. The lack of sound is so frightening I almost prefer the screaming and crashes of furniture. Soon there is the sound of footsteps, the garage opening, the car starting-some survivor driving away.
It’s been a while and everyone is pretending like nothing happened. Pretending like the storm didn’t just end. We’ve  all been waiting.
No one will admit it but we know he might not come home tonight. I feel tempted to call his cell, but that might do more harm than good. Besides, I don’t even know what I’d say to the man. God, I don’t even know if he took his phone; it all happened so fast. All I can do is wait, but the waiting is the hardest part... The silence is has a high pitched deafening ring to it as it echoes throughout the house, these four walls of my bedroom close in--making it hard to breathe.
    The sound of the front door opening is music to my ears.
Perhaps even the single most graceful and lovely sound I’ve ever heard.  It cuts through the silence, slices right through it. I release the breath of relief I have been holding the whole time. I can hear them talking, but I can’t make out what is being said. Part of me wants to know exactly what their saying, while the other part of me thanks God for my ignorance. I mean exactly how much stress and heartache can one girl take?
    Maybe love really is just nonsense. Maybe it’s not meant to last forever. Maybe when one sacrifice becomes to much, it’s over. Happiness is what each person seeks, we all strive to be happy. We strive to be happy with another person and we call that happiness, love, but what if you can’t be. What if after a certain amount of years, the love dies, it’s just over. Everything ends, maybe love does to...
Love is a norm; a compelling mantra which has been instilled into society and I don’t have faith in it. The pull of this single four-letter word is enormous, but the funny thing is I don’t think I’ve met a single person who truly understands the concept. I mean, who can unravel the complexities of relationships, and cover it with this single well-meaning yet isolated word? I certainly do not claim to. I know better now.

Welcome to Broken-Hearted Airlines, thank you for crashing and burning with us tonight.

So after yet another break up, this brings the total of this year to about 5. One must ask themselves why. Why it didn't last, why it never seems to work, why is love so hateful, and why do we even try?
I love love. I love everything about love, except falling out of it. Because unlike bungee jumping or skydiving, there is no parachute or gigantic rubber band tied to your body to help pull you back up after you fall. Once you've fallen there is no turning back. You're done, finished, until you either hit the ground get up and walk away or don't. It is a giant risk, to those of us with low self confidence, picking ourselves up isn't exactly an easy task. It isn't as easy as just duct taping your heart back together after it's been broken; duct tape doesn't fix everything.
Love has betrayed me in many ways. It has put me through hell, but never without reason. This is what I have learned about love.
"That attempting to know the future, to predict the outcome of love, would always negate the possibility of a happy ending. Heartbreak is more common then happiness. No one wants to say that, but it's true. We're taught to believe not only that everyone deserves a happy ending, but also hat if we try hard enough, we will get one. That's simply not the case. Happy endings, lifelong loves, are the products of both effort and luck. We can control them, to some extent, and though our feelings always seem to have a life of their own, we can at least be open to love. But luck, the other component, well, there's nothing we can do about that one. Call it God's plan or predestination or divine intervention, but we're all at its mercy. And sometimes God doesn't seem very merciful." Love taught me that.

Another Day In The Life Of ME
So I came to a decision about joining the military... and since I mentioned it on here earlier I thought I would just post my final answer, which would be: eh, no.
I was seriously thinking about it up until last night at work, when one of my customers compared working at Safeway to being in the military. Strict, all-consuming, soul-sucking. And I absolutely can't stand my job, so how would I do in the military. Probably not to well. The more I thought about it, the more I think that it's not the kind of life I want for myself. I want personal freedom and honestly, that's not what the military is well known for. I want to have kids and get married and I can't do that if I'm always gone. I want to wear what I want, say what I want, do whatever I want when I want to do it and so, the military isn't a good place for me. Money-wise, hey, maybe it's great, but that's the wrong reason to join. Besides, I don't take directions very well.

On another note, I may be going to Portland, OR in a couple weeks. I want to check out a couple schools down there. Oregon Culinary Institute and Reed College perhaps. Check out the job scene and housing options. I would love to live in Portland, it is an awesome place.

Anyway, just another day in the life of me. I'm going to go now, talk later.

What's Your Personality Type?
You Are An INFP
The Idealist

You are a creative person with a great imagination. You enjoy living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close to you.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

He doesn't know, but I love watching him sleep. I can see everything he hides from the world when he sleeps. All hihs fear, his stress, his vulnerabilities. But mostly I love watching him sleep because I know that when he wakes he will smile at me ad kiss my lips and ask me what I'm thinking about and that question alone tells me that he cares. I never tell him exactly what I'm thinking because if he knew that I was thinking about him leaving, it would break his heart. Even sadder if he knew that behind my smiling eyes I am questioning whether it is worth it to stay, when I know that he is going to leave me anyway. He kisses me again and I  smile  looking into his eyes.. His eyes that hold all the world's wisdom, and I have my answer. Of course it is. He has already taught me more about myself and about life than any one man has ever taught me. He's taught me that I've been going about life the wrong way. Seeing it as one catastrophe after another instead of the bushel of miracles that it truly is. That I've been so afraid of everything, I haven't ever stopped to want anything for myself. I look at his now sleeping face and the first word that comes to mind is patience. That gift of which he has so much of, and that I have so little. The second word is love.
Brandon, I have fallen. You may not know this about yourself, but you brought me back to life. I've been walking around s afraid and confined, but now I am free. I am alive once more and it is because of you. Thank you for being there. And know, that I will support you in whatever you choose to do. Even if that means you have to go away. You have to do what makes you happy in life. As long as you're happy, I can be too.

Your Girlfiend,



Log in